


°•°Feelings°•°

by PeggyIsLife03



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Bullying, Emotions, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Feelings, Hamilton - Freeform, Jamilton - Freeform, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, debate, soulmate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-02-22 15:22:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 16,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22951642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeggyIsLife03/pseuds/PeggyIsLife03
Summary: Imagine a world where soulmates are real. They’re actually meant to be. You don’t know this person, but whatever they feel, you do to. You communicate with your mind, but until you meet them, you can’t hear their voice clearly. Even after meeting them, their voice isn’t clear for years unless you make a move. This is the case a very unlikely soulmate match. Can they make it work?
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, John Laurens/Margaret "Peggy" Schuyler, Maria Reynolds/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Comments: 6
Kudos: 92





	1. Introduction

_It is a brand new day at Princeton college! New start, new friends, new personality, new life! No one to bother me or bug me or bully me here.We’re adults now. Everyone should have matured._ This is what was going through my mind as I drove up in my car from my adoptive family’s house. But there was still one more thing in my mind. I might finally meet my soulmate here. I’ve always dreamed of how we would meet. I tried to stay calm, not trying to worry my other half. If I’m anxious, they’re anxious.

As I took a few deep breaths, I walked into the building with my bags. I heard a familiar voice in my head. But it wasn’t mine. It was my soulmate’s. ** _“Can’t wait to start at my school. I’m in my 2nd year of college.”_** My soulmate was a year older than me, but that was okay. I thought back, answering them. _**“I’m so excited to. It’s weird, but I’ve never asked. What college are you going to?”**_ I felt a sudden rush of happiness and love and I blushed, knowing it was my soulmate’s feelings. _ **“I go to Princeton. What about you?”**_ I felt a good feeling rush through me, and I knew my soulmate felt my excitement as I thought, _**“Me too! Oh wow...this is so exciting! Let’s uh—meet up?”**_ Just as I finished that thought, I felt immense excitement and affection. I smiled happily, as I knew what they were feeling. I immediately got a response. _ **"Sure!! Love you beautiful! <3" **_ It was my turn to blush, except it was my own feelings. I knew my soulmate was always flirtatious. We knew each other, but we don't know each other's names, what we look like, or anything. Every time we try, it blocks out. As I'm walking to a desk to pick up a dorm number, I see two of my best friends from high school run up to me holding hands. "Hey Lexi!" The girl said. I laughed. "Hey Pegs. What are you doing here? Aren't you still in high school?" my friend Peggy laughed. My sisters invited me to come over and hang out."

I turned to the big standing next to her and hugged him. "What's up, John?" He smiled. "Nothing much.." He smiled again, and looked down at Peggy in love. He missed her nose and she giggled. They were soulmates. "How's Eliza and Maria?" Peggy laughed. "Oh they're great! They even got a dorm together...hope they behave." I laugh. Eliza was the sweetest most innocent girl you could ever meet. I got my dorm number. "1804. John?" John cheered. "Same! But there is three people to a dorm." I shrugged. "I guess we'll find out soon." John kissed Peggy goodbye before walking with me to our dorm. As I fiddled with the keys in the lock, I suddenly realized it has already been unlocked. As John commented on how stupid I was, I swing the door open to the wheel of something cooking. It was....Mac and cheese? As I dragged my bags out with John behind me, we each picked our own rooms from the ones that were left. _**"Hey, I reached my dorm!"**_ I told my soulmate silently. I felt excitement. _**"Wow that's so great. That means we can hang out soon?"**_ They replied. _**"Maybe after I get settled. After maybe a week?"**_ They qgreed, and said goodbye. I felt disappointment from them, and fe!t bad. They immediately assured me that they were okay. I walked into the kitchen to meet the other roommate. I walk in to see a very tall man, a giant compared to me. "Hello. My name is Alexander Hamilton and I'll be one of your dormmates." I said, trying to be polite. The man turned around and asked, "Hamilton?!" My face went pale and my hands got clammy as I stiffly stuck out my right hand. 

He took it slowly, and shook my hand quickly before obviously wiping his hand on his pants. "I-I'll be going then, Jefferson." I walked off to my bedroom shaking. Just two years ago the senior, Thomas Jefferson bullied me when I was a junior. When he left for college, I thought I wouldn't ever have to see him again. He was the reason I still wear long sleeves. As I lock the door behind me, I cautiously pull down my sleeves, trying to stay neutral to not alarm my soulmate. I probably already freaked them out after I panicked about Jefferson. I look at all the old scars that have been healing since the middle of senior year. I trace them with my finger, and though I try and keep my composure, I start to cry silently. Almost instantly, I hear my soulmate in my head. _**"Hey beautiful. You're going to be okay...what's wrong?"**_ I explained my cutting in high school, but didn't go into any detail on why I did it, though they asked many times. After a bit of counseling from them, I said goodbye. But even so...

I couldn't help but notice the glint of silver metal at the bottom of my bag. As I grabbed the blade, I calmed myself and cleared my mind from my soulmate like I've trained myself to do. When I've made my emotions unreadable, I slowly cut through. I decide to give myself a maximum of ten cuts a day. One cut is for a certain reason. The worse it is, the deeper the cut. This is how I cut in high school. As I watched the blade sink into my arm, I cut open my skin and saw glistening red blood. I traced the old scars with the blade, counting to ten. When I'm satisfied, I quickly pull my sleeve over my bloody arm, trying to keep blood from seeping through. I quickly go to the bathroom and rinse my arm. The cuts sting as water finds it's way insde, but I decide that I deserve it. I go too bed feeling like I've done enough to myself for one night. Usually, in high school, I never stuck to only ten cuts. I wouldn't ever feel like any amount as enough. 

°•°End of Chapter 1°•°

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey follow my “Ask Jamilton” blog on Tumblr! (If you want to)
> 
> https://p-e-g-s.tumblr.com/
> 
> I just started it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Debate class can really teach you something about someone.

I woke up early and look over at my clock. It read _5:28 AM._ I got up and pulled a dark green sweater over my head before pulling black sweatpants on. After grabbing my phone, keys, and wallet, I walked out to the kitchen. As I walked in, I saw Jefferson sitting at the table eating. I tried to stay calm as I subtly pulled my sleeves down farther. I was really anxious, and my soulmate knew it. **_"What's wrong love? Why are you nervous?"_** I kept walking to the counter. _**"I'm just...Excited? I'm not nervous..."**_ I lied. I knew it wouldn't work, but it was a shot anyways. _**"I know your feelings. You can't lie to me like that. What's wrong??"**_ I felt their worry, but I just said, _**"I don't want to talk about it right now."**_ before blocking them from my mind. I finally got to the counter and opened the cupboard. I reached for a cup I kept from Nevis. Damn my shortness. I felt exasperated and the felt the urge to bust out laughing. my soulmate is always feeling the wrong thing at the wrong time, but I couldn't blame them. "Need help there Hamilton?" I heard Jefferson behind me, and I almost jumped. I forgot he was there. "No, I'm going to get a step still like every other normal person." I snapped back, angry. I

"And, if I did need help, which I don't, I would ask John. Even if we are older, you've scarred me enough to the point where I can't trust anyone. Sometimes I don't even trust myself. Even for a simple favor." I said, walking to the pantry. Jefferson was silent as I dragged the stool to the cupboard to pull out the mug. I put the mug in the Keurig when I said, "Damn it! I'm forgetting everything today..." I rushed to my room and grabbed a k-cup of extra caffeinated coffee and went back to the kitchen before putting it into the machine. I clicked the largest option and went back to my room to grab my school-issued laptop. I walked back to the kitchen and sat as far as possible from Jefferson. I opened the laptop and started looking at my schedule. When I looked over a few classes, I heard a noise, which told me the coffee was done. I went to grab it, and then grabbed my book bag. I put my laptop inside and walked off to my Law class. 

After Law, I had a hour or so of free time before I had to go back to school. I went back to my dorm, and pushed the door open. I sat on my bed. I was tired, and I couldn't hide it from them. I heard a, _**"You should rest, love. It's not healthy."**_ I scoffed at this before thinking, **_"I have so much work to_ _do._ _"_** I blocked them out and pulled up a project I got assigned on my laptop. I work on it for about 30 minutes before I heard the door to the dorm open. I ignore it, expecting Jefferson, but soon John walks into my room. "Hey Lexi!" I rolled my eyes and laughed. _**"Finally you're happy!"**_ I heard. John sits down and looks over my shoulder at my laptop. "Hey Jackie. How's Peggy?" He smiles. "She's good. I just got out of marine biology." I nodded. " Cool. I came from law, and we've got this project to come up with a government plan... " John laughed. "Cool. Anyways, I'm kind of hungry. Do you want anything?" I shook my head. "No, I'm fine. Thanks though Jackie." He got up and walked out of the room leaving me alone. 

I worked for another fifteen minutes. I looked at the clock, and I snapped my laptop shut before rushing out the door with my bag. I had 5 minutes to get to debate. I get there and slide in my seat just as the Professor walks in. I smile and sigh with relief. I knew him. Professor Washington. My adoptive father, though I hate to admit it. He's caring, and I love him, but it's not something I brag about, being adopted. I feel a rush of excitement from both me and my soulmate as the class starts. Weird. As the class begins, Professor Washington pulls a paper from a bowl and reads out, "Today we will be debating if LGBTQ+ is equal." My eyes widened, and then he moved on to another bowl. "This will determine who will be debating. First for the one who thinks they're equal." My breath caught nervously as his hand reached into the bowl. As he grabbed a piece of paper and read it out loud to the class. "And this debater is...Alexander Wa-Hamilton." His voice caught at my last name, but no one caught on but me. I wished to keep my last name when he and Martha adopted me. "And the person opposing Mr. Hamilton is..." He reached in and pulled out another paper. "Thomas Jefferson!" I felt a negative feeling from my soulmate. They seemed sad, angry, and upset. 

_**"What's wrong?"**_ I asked. I didn't get a response as I walked up to the front of the room. We each got behind podiums. Jefferson started. "Sir. People from 'that' community aren't equal. In Scriptures it says that God made men and women for each other. He said that any man who goes out wearing women's clothes saying he is a woman shall be put to death. And I-I stand by the Bible." Jefferson stumbled. I was confused, but I started my opening sentence. "But, Jefferson. It is also a sin to do God's job. And all sins are equal. Therefore, you are sinning just as much as any gay or transgender or other LGBTQ+ community members." Jefferson looked down before saying, "They make some people uncomfortable in public. It's not --It's not normal." I felt shame ride in me from my soulmate. "They are only bothered by us because they stare. If they don't wanna see it then look away! Because you must be outta you GODDAMN MIND!" I saw the professor start to say something before I kept going. "IF YOU REALLY THINK WE HAD A CHOICE TO LOVE WHO WE WANT!! YOU CAN'T CHOOSE! YOU CAN'T DECIDE YOUR FATE OF SOULMATE, SO WHY BLAME US FOR IT?!" I screamed at him. I felt tears in my eyes, but I refused to cry. Not here. I rushed away from the podium and grabbed my bag before darting back to my dorm.

I just sat in my room and decided to take out my blade again. That's when I heard the very first _boom_ from the thunder.

°•°End of Chapter 2°•°

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr blog-
> 
> https://p-e-g-s.tumblr.com/


	3. That One Storm Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton's worst nightmare. A rainstorm. (Lol not original.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, every 2 chapters is a POV swap. So this is TJ's POV.

As I watched Hamilton run out of the room, I immediately felt bad. All I could think of is how much I'd already hurt him. How many scars he's gotten, how much pain of his that was my fault. As I watched him run, I felt a pang of sadness, and a desperate feeling. I wasn't sure if it was my emotion or my soulmate's, but at that moment I didn't care. I just bit my lip, and silently stepped down from the podium. As I went to my seat, I heard a _boom_ of thunder. I shrugged it off, when I saw Professor Washington's eyes go wide. He reached for the phone on his desk and quickly punched in a number. After a bit, he said something quietly but urgently into the phone. All I heard was 'Mr. Laurens', 'dismiss him', and 'do it now, it's urgent.' It was confusing to say the least. I was so preoccupied with the phone call that I didn't notice the overwhelming feeling of panic and suffering. I felt like curling into a ball and crying. It was my soulmate. 

_**"Hey love. What's wrong? Why are you so upset?"**_ I asked this immediately. **_"It's the storm...I've got a past...with uh...storms. Not pleasant. Please, I don't want to relive it. Please don't ask. Just do-"_** Another _boom,_ and I felt another new burst of panic. I almost started hyperventilating. _**"Are you safe right now? Calm down..."**_ Soon I felt a warm feeling as I heard, **_"I'm okay now. My friend is here helping me."_** I said goodbye, and as I looked up from my desk, I saw the professor looking at me strangely before saying, "Mister, are you alright?" I slowly nodded. "Yeah sorry sir." He shook his head. "Mr. Jefferson you look like you saw a ghost." I tried to laugh it off. The entire class was staring. "My uh--soulmate...I'm fine sir." He nodded, and looked at me weirdly again before turning to complete the lesson. I felt the entire class looking at me as I felt heat creep up to my face. I tried taking deep breaths. My soulmate was now feeling okay. That was good. I didn't want them to be scared of hurt. 

Then my thoughts turned back to Hamilton. I felt so bad, but I couldn't tell him that without him slapping me or him starting a damned debate with me about some stupid topic. then the next day he'd write an entire essay with all of his evidence to back him up. It was something I honestly admired about him. But I'd never admit it. I've already ruined that. Another thing that stuck with me was something Hamilton kept saying during the debate. He kept using the words "we", and "me", and "us". I finally realized something with shock. I almost stopped breathing. I'd indirectly offended him. No, I directly offended him. And to think I was so close to using slurs. The reason was because of family. I was always taught that being gay or transgender, or anything else like that was wrong. I never really thought about it. I started to think about the damage I made in Hamilton during the debate. He was right. You can't choose who you end up with, or who you love.

My soulmate must've felt my anxiety. _**"Hey, what's worrying you?"**_ I sighed, deciding to be completely honest with them. _**"I said some awful shit to someone that I can't take back and now I feel awful.**_ ** _"_** I waited for a response as I copied down what Professor Washington was writing on the board. Then, I heard, _**"Maybe you should just apologize?"**_ I dreaded this answer. They didn't understand. _**"No...I've done other things to him, and he has been hurt deeply from me...he would never forgive me."**_ Finally the class ended just as I finished that thought. As I went quickly to the dorm, I walked into a strange view. Hamilton's room door was open. I walked towards it cautiously. I peeked. The two men inside didn't see me. Laurens was cradling Hamilton as he hugged him. Laurens was muttering things in his ear. Hamilton looked like he had just stopped crying. He was trying to steady his breathing. Laurens suddenly looked up at me. We made eye contact, and without him even talking I got the message. _Don't say a_ _word_. I stepped away from the door quietly. 

I just walked to the kitchen and sighed as I made a cup of coffee.

°•°End of Chapter 3°•°

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr
> 
> https://p-e-g-s.tumblr.com/


	4. "I'm fine!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas tries to find out what's up. ..nothing works. Hamilton just pushes him away, confused why he cares.

The next day, the rain had completely stopped, though there were gray clouds in the sky. I watched as Hamilton walked out of his room that morning pushing glasses up his nose. His glasses from high school. I just thought he didn't need them anymore. When he looked up me, he panicked and I for some reason felt panicked too. He quickly snatched the glasses off his face. "What's wrong Hamilton?" He stiffened his posture and walked directly to the coffee machine. "High school." Was all he muttered. Oh...he stopped wearing glasses because of me. I felt horrible, and I saw him flinch. As he reached the counter he looked very concentrated. I heard, **_"Why are you upset now?"_** I watched Hamilton as he anxiously made coffee. I saw the glasses in his back pocket.

 _ **"I just remembered how horrible I used to be..."**_ I saw Hamilton biting his lip as my soulmate answered. _**"What happened?"**_ I signed down at my breakfast plate as Hamilton stood there silently at the counter. Laurens walked in and greeted Hamilton before nodding to me. _**"It was high school..."**_ I started. I saw Hamilton's brows furrow in confusion. **_"I was a huge dick back then. I did some pretty unforgivable things..."_** Laurens was oblivious to the confused look on Hamilton's face, and the concentration on my face. He was just making breakfast. _**"Hey, I think I'm ready to uh...meet up like you wanted."**_ I felt a rush of happiness and I suddenly smiled. Hamilton looked at me with a weird look on his face. "What the hell are you looking at, Hamilton?" Hamilton blinked and then just shrugged. "Nothing." He muttered.

I felt confusion from both myself and my soulmate, whoever they were. I suddenly spoke up to Hamilton. "I just wanted to apologize...for uh, high school..." Hamilton raised an eyebrow as he grabbed his finished coffee. "And? I'm fine. What's done is done." I see his unoccupied hand shift to his sleeve. I bit my lip and sighed. "I know. I know, but--" Hamilton interrupted. "If you know, then stop. I need to go." He grabbed his bag in the way out as he walked out. Laurens was about to put another bite in his mouth, his spoon in midair. He was looking between the door and I. _**"Ugh, so anyways. do you want to hang out at the coffee shop tomorrow?"**_ I tried for a smile. My soulmate was actually serious about wanting to meet me! _**"Yeah...sure!"**_ I felt my soulmate's mood improve greatly. I smiled now, and Laurens finally ate the bite of his food. 

He looked at me confused, and when we made eye contact, I felt my smile fall from my face. "He used to cut." Laurens suddenly said. At first I was confused until I realized he was talking about Hamilton. "Really? Shit, I really went too far in high school, didn't I?" Laurens smiled. "Well, yeah you did. But you weren't the only reason." I tilted my head in confusion. "What do you mean?" Laurens sighed and shook his head. "It's not my place to tell you. It's his. Now, I must be going. Peggy and I are going out." He stood up and put his bowl in the sink before going out and I assumed he got dressed. I just put my head in my hands and sighed. _**"You okay there?"**_ I heard. I smiled and said, _**"Yeah I'm just tired. I'm sorry for worrying you love."**_ I said goodbye and just sat there.

After a bit, I decided to go out for a bit. I didn't have anything else to do today, so I decided to kill time until the evening to sleep so I could go out with my mystery soulmate tomorrow.

°•°End of Chapter 4°•°

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ma tumblr 🥰
> 
> https://p-e-g-s.tumblr.com/


	5. What the--

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jefferson and Hamilton each finally figure out who their mystery soulmate. Oh boy are they in for a surprise....well...enjoy?

As I walked over to the restaurant my soulmate and I agreed on. With great difficulty, I make a last minute decision. I put my glasses on as I walk through the door. As I walk in and walk towards the booth I agreed on, I relaxed a bit. I wasn't underdressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. _**"Oh, I'm glad you aren't nervous..."**_ I laughed. **_"No, I'm terrified of meeting you. I have got serious self-esteem issues."_** I felt a smile playing on my lips. _**"I'm sure you're amazing!"**_ I was beaming now. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and walked over to the table. I sat down at the booth and thought, _**"Hey I'm here and waiting."**_ I felt a rush of happiness. _**"Oh great my love! I'm pulling up right now!"**_ I blushed and just sat back to wait. As I heard the door bell, I looked up quickly and my face turned white as I started hyperventilating and I started tapping my foot nervously. It was Thomas Jefferson.

"What are you doing here Hamilton? Did you see someone else here? I'm supposed to meet my soulmate." I laughed. "Well, wrong booth. I'm meeting my soulmate." I felt a strange pang of annoyance. _**"Ugh, this annoying obnoxious idiot is at the booth. I thought you said you were here....Did you ditch me?"**_ At first I just felt shock. Then just burst out laughing. "What are you laughing at Hamilton?" I looked everywhere but him. "Well, it seems we're soulmates Jefferson." I try to smile, but he just glares back. I smirk at him and stand up to leave. "Oh and just in case you don't believe me..." I thought for a bit, _**"Have a fantastic day Jefferson! See you at the dorm."**_ I stood up from the booth and left to go to the dorm, leaving Jefferson staring at me dumbstruck.

As I was driving away, I could clearly hear Jefferson's voice in my head now. _**"What the hell Hamilton?! Well uh, I guess we're soulmates. What should we do?"**_ I laughed out loud. _**"Never talk about this again?"**_ I felt myself trying to laugh, but Jefferson felt a pang of sadness. _**"What's wrong?"**_ I was confused, and I thought he hated my guts. **_"Oh...well, Hamilton. I have spent my whole life talking to you and I really love your personality. I guess I never really gave you a chance. And like you said during the debate. You can't choose your own soulmate. I was hoping we could make it work. Look, I feel bad about high school. I really do..."_** I sighed and then thought back after a bit longer. _**"Listen...I just don't....know....it's gonna be hard to get used to this. I'm not going to forgive you right away. I'm still hurt and broken. Like I told you. I have horrible self-esteem because of you."**_ I got to the college finally.

I opened the dorm door to see John sitting there. "Hey you're home early. What happened?" I laughed nervously and rubbed the back of my neck. "Well...Uh...funny story actually...--" John cut me off. "Lexi, just tell me who it was!" I laughed and said, "Fine, well it's....Jefferson. Jefferson is my soulmate." John laughed at me and said, "Pfft. Very funny Alex. Who is it really?" I looked at him seriously and said, "No...I'm serious. He's my soulmate." John stopped laughing and looked at me funny. "You're serious? That thing is your soulmate?" I nodded. "Yeah. He asked if we could make it work, and I told him I would think about it. I told him that it would take a long time to forgive him." John was still confused. "Welp, I could actually kind of see it. I mean...you're both able to balance each other out. I never really thought about it but you might be okay to be with him. You really are soulmates." I shook my head. "Well, I need to go...I've got an essay for Law. Good night John." 

I walk to my room and as I walk through the doorway, I am suddenly in darkness. I stumble and fall onto the carpet floor. I hear John calling my name. It's faint and far away. I start hearing insults begin thrown at me while feeling old bruises start to hurt. I look down at my arms and see that my healed cuts have started to bleed again. I feel someone trying to shake me, and suddenly I snap out of it.

My cuts weren't ever bleeding. They were still healed, and no one was in the room but John and I. He was telling me everything was okay. "It's okay...I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I'm fine now." John took the laptop from my bag. "John no! I need to work!" I tried reaching for it but failed. "No Alexander." When John didn't use a nickname, I knew he was being serious. I paid quick attention. "You need to sleep. You may be hallucinating. You look exhausted! Alex, you don't need more stress. You need sleep!I

I decided it was useless to argue, so I climbed into bed without changing. I watched as John turned off the light and closed the door after bidding me good night.

°•°End of Chapter 5°•°

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My ask Jamilton blog
> 
> https://p-e-g-s.tumblr.com/


	6. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares are the worst. The reason behind it is because it's from your own imagination.

I drifted off to sleep fast, and as I did I slipped into my frightening dreams that I try so hard to block out.

_I'm a 9 year old boy again. I peer out from around the corner, and see my father slap my mom again. She's begging him to stop. "Please James. Alexander will see--He needs a father!" I watched in fright as my father hit my mother again and pulled her hair. I felt my older brothers hand on my shoulder. I pushed him away as my eyes filled with tears. "Please, we could...We could get married! We could be happy togeth--" My father pushed my mother down again. I watched her fall to the ground and I screamed._

_Now I was 10 years old. My parents fought more often now. Until one day, my father slapped me, and beat my mother when she tried to intervene. Then, he left. He never came back. My brother James Hamilton Jr. was taken from us. Father took him. That night, I slept in mother's bed. We hugged each other and cried. As I got to the age of 11, I found my love for writing. I wrote stories for my mother to make her happier._

_The next year, everything changed. I got yellow fever, and while mother was taking care of me, she contracted the disease as well. We slept in the same bed for many nights. I was only 12:years old the night I woke up to my mother's cold, dead body. I mourned for a long time before getting moved to my cousin's house at 14 years old. When I went upstairs to get him for dinner, yet again, I was left alone. My last family member had committed suicide, leaving me penniless and without anywhere to go._

_At 17, the worst came. The hurricane. The storm I would never forget. And the screams, oh the screams. I remember almost drowning. But I couldn't. After the hurricane passed, not only was I alone, but my village as destroyed. So, I dove back into my love of writing. I just write all my feelings out onto the paper. Many people looked at it, and donated money. For the first time in my life, it looked like things were going good! That was until I was put into a high school. I was educated in the Caribbean, so I qualified, but what bothered me was the students and the staring._

_When Thomas Jefferson first saw me, I thought we would be friends. I stuck my hand out for him to shake it, but he just scoffed at it and shoved me as he walked past me. I heard, "Bastard..." Being muttered in my ear as he walked away. The teasing and physical beatings got worse every time. I still remember the first time I grabbed a blade to cut. It was about 2 months into school, and I actually took into account that I was the one to mess things up, and that it was my fault that my mom was dead. I got her sick. It was my fault my cousin died. I never paid attention to him. It was my fault I was weak and didn't stand up for myself. But also, Jefferson just confirmed everything by always muttering things like, "worthless" or "whore's son" or "bastard". All of these names fit, although he wouldn't stand his mother being called names._

_All of these images had started flashing one by one in front of my eyes before I shot awake._

I had tears in my eyes, and I started crying silently. I don't know when or how, but I soon fell asleep again. 

°•°End of Chapter 6°•°


	7. Chapter 7

It was the morning after the coffee shop incident. I woke up and walked over to Hamilton's room to find out he was missing. He had earlier classes than me so it made sense. I was going to close the door when I saw something had been shoved under his pillow. Curious, I went over and pulled it out. It was a frail book. It was obviously very old. It was falling apart, and I swear I saw mold. The cover was almost completely gone, and I could barely make out a child's writing, ' _Alex_ '. I smiled as I flipped open the fragile cover carefully. I started to read. It was obviously written by a child. ' _I'm Alex, and I'm 8 years old._ ' I smiled at that, but my smile quickly disappeared as I kept reading. ' _Daddy came home weird again today. I think he's hurting Mommy again but JJ won't let me in the room. Says I'm too young. I'm really scared and I hope Daddy leaves._ ' 

Very concerned, I flip to the next page. I try to keep away from suspicions by keeping my feelings in check, but I can sense Alexander can feel something is up. I keep reading through stories of eight year old Alex. Some are about his brother James Jr, or JJ. Some are about his mother. Others are about how his father abused his family. Then something caught my eye. ' _Dad's finally gone. The thing is...He took JJ with him. Mom is really upset. I'm ten years old now. I think I'm a big kid, but mom still won't tell me a lot. I've found that writing her stories really helps her feel happier. But, sometimes I'm sad, but I feel happy for some reason. I think it's my soulmate. Sometimes I'm jealous that they have such a good life._ ' I felt bad because I admit, I was a really happy kid. I skipped through a few pages until I found something else.

' _I'm twelve years old. I've gotten sick, and when my mom tried to cure me, she caught my sickness. I hope we can both get better._ ' I smiled hopefully before remembering how when I was thirteen I went through deep depression even though nothing sparked it. I had the happiest time as teenager. I turned the page, knowing what was coming. The page was stained by old tears and all that was written was, ' _She's gone. I got better, but mom didn't. She's dead..._ ' I felt my breath hitch and I heard Hamilton's voice say, _**"Jefferson. What the hell is wrong? I'm literally on the verge of tears in the middle of class."**_ I tried to control my emotions as I thought back, _**"I'm fine. Focus on your work."**_ I felt a pang of annoyancer from him as he said, _**"I can't do that while I'm trying to hold back tears. Hold it together!"**_ I sighed and said, _**"I don't want to talk about it. Maybe later. Goodye."**_ I shut off our communication before continuing to read. It couldn't get worse, right?

' _I'm now fourteen. I've been moved to my cousin, Peter's house. He's boring but he takes care of me. -A. Ham_ ' At least life was getting better for him. At least everything was okay, and he was safe. Then I turned the page. Yet another tragedy. _'He's gone. My cousin, the only person left for me is gone. Committed suicide and left me. Alone. Abandoned me. What will I do now? I'm only sixteen, and I have been working for my old landlord since I moved in with my cousin. I have nowhere to live...My life...is dark and twisted but my soulmate is always happy. It feels wrong to me...and I'm jealous every time they feel joy...I just want to feel loved.'_ I bit my lip and just kept reading onto the next page. I was a longer entry.

' _I'm seventeen now. A storm hit. Everything is flooding. My adoptive family was trying to get us out of the house. My new brother was caught under debris while we were trying to escape. I tried to save him but it was too late. Our parents pulled me away from him and forced me to go on. But as we were running, my adoptive mother was swept away, and in a desperation to save his wife, my new father jumped into the water to save her. Now I'm with other families in the church, trying to wait until the storm is over. I've almost drowned multiple times. I sometimes wish I did drown. Then I could see my mother and new brother again. My soulmate is always so happy. They don't need me anyway. -A. Ham_ ' It made everything make more sense. Why Hamilton freaked out during the storm. Why in high school he never fought back the comments about his family. I turned the page sadly. 

' _Finally some things are looking up for me. Some townspeople read this journal and many donated to send me to New York to go to school there. Of course, I would have to start as a junior in high school, but that's okay. I hope I can make some friends. Apparently there are already arrangements for me to stay with the Washingtons. I hope they are nice._ ' I knew what was coming next. I flipped the page, holding my breath. ' _High school is hell. The couple taking care of me is awesome. But...I tried to make friends with a boy who looked like a senior. He just scoffed at me and called mea bastard. I guess he isn't wrong, but he didn't have to say it. I did make some friends though. John Laurens, Gilbert Lafayette, and Hercules Mulligan. They've helped me find out things about myself. Like how I'm bisexual. The only thing is that the boy I tried to make friends with, Thomas Jefferson, has been bullying me. Every. Single. Day! He hurts and insults me. That's why I've turned to cutting. I've done it before, but now I'm..addicted to it. I feel like I deserve the pain. -A. Ham_ '

I look down at the page, tears filling my eyes. I force myself to turn the page, ignoring Alexander's voice in my head. ' _John caught me. He found out I'm cutting. In the middle of senior year. Thomas Jefferson has left for college, and his comments have stll stuck with me. I've been clean for about a month now. I have been applying for scholarships. But...I'm scared of what people will say in college. I hope I can just start clean, start fresh. -A. Ham'_ Tears rolled down my face. It was my fault. Everything. I was already sorry for bullying him. But I knew how he was feeling. I felt his emotions all this time. I turned the last page. It was the shortest entry. It simply read, ' _Thomas Jefferson is my soulmate.'_ Ijust stood there and closed the journal. Then I heard a panicked voice come from the doorway.

"Jefferson, how much did you read?"


	8. Chapter 8

(Warning: Self-Harmed mentioned)

“Jefferson? How much did you read?” I look up to see a panicked Alexander standing in the doorway. Ashamed, I answer, “All of it...” Hamilton ran towards me and grabbed the journal before hugging it closely to his chest. “And now you know all of my _very_ personal information! Thank you so much for snooping in my business!” I just looked down at his face in shame. I could feel his hurt and anger, and I was sure he could feel my shame. He proved my point when he said, “Oh, and now you decide to feel guilt?!”I could see him trying to stop tears in his eyes. I went and hugged him. I felt him flinch, but soon he relaxed. “Alexander, may I see them?” He looked confused until I said, “The cuts, Hamilton. May I see the cuts.”

I went and sat down on Alexander’s bed and patted the empty spot next to me. He cautiously walked over and sat down. I saw him take a breath, and I could feel his anxiety spike as he slowly pulled up his sleeves. I looked over his arms, and just looking at them made me feel 10000x worse if that was even possible. “Alex, I’m so sorry. I was sorry before but damnit! This is all my fault, isn’t it?” I looked at the newer cuts and asked, “When did you make these? I thought you said you were clean since senior year...”

Alex chewed his lip before saying, “It was the first day here when I found out you were one of my dormmates...I had a breakdown and I couldn’t control it.” I held his arms in my hand as I inspected them. Most of them were just faded scars. But I counted at least 10 that were still barely starting to heal. “I am so sorry...I didn’t know.” Alex shrugged. “Like I said before. What’s done is done. You can’t take back what you’ve already done. I appreciate the apology, but I still need to have more time to fully trust you.”

I nodded in understanding. You see, I know his emotions, his feelings. He can’t say I don’t understand him because I do. “I understand. I’ll leave you alone, okay?” I stood up and Alex nodded. I was about to go out the door when I heard him say, “Wait...Jefferson?” I turned around to see Alexander nervously looking at me. “Can we go for coffee later? To—talk about...us?” I smiled and nodded. “Of course Alex. Bye.” I walked out and shut the door behind me, not being able to hide to goofy grin on my face. Maybe he was getting closer to forgiving me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s super short guys! Hope you’ve been enjoying this book! <3 pegs_


	9. Chapter 9

I had no idea why I offered to go to coffee with Jefferson. I wanted to have a relationship with my soulmate, I really did. But, I don’t think I am ready to forgive Jefferson just yet. He needs to prove that he’s trustworthy! I don’t want to get hurt by him again. I’ve learned that if you forgive too easily, and let a person in, they will take advantage and hurt you even worse than before. And Jefferson has hurt me really badly.

Let’s be completely honest. I’ve talked with my soulmate for my entire life. And I always felt they were a nice enough person. Sure, they were super flirty, and sure, they were slightly arrogant. But I saw that they were a nice person. And only because of this did I even think of giving Jefferson another chance with me. I almost shut him off completely until the day he hugged me after reading my journal.

It felt different than the other times he’s touched me. It aren’t wasn’t hurting me. It was—soothing, and comforting. Then, when he apologized...he seemed sincere. That’s the only reason I invited him out to coffee with me. End of story.

But now I was freaking out. What if I was trusting him too soon? What if I was rushing things? What if Jefferson takes this the wrong way? What if? What if? What if? And since our emotions are linked, Jefferson knows how panicked and anxious I am. The problem is that he knows why I’m anxious. But not entirely. He knows it’s about the coffee date, but doesn’t know why I’m so nervous about it.

Ever since I figured out he read my journal and seen my scars, I’ve felt vulnerable. Sure, John has seen my scars. But I’ve never shown him my journal. That was my most precious possession. It meant the world to me. It literally held my deepest secrets and feelings. Even though most of them were written when I was younger, the feelings were still raw and real back then. Because he read the journal, he literally knows every dark thing about my past. He knows why I’m scared of storms. Why I’m never fighting back when he hits me. Why Professor Washington and I are so close.

He knows why I wear long sleeves. He knows why I’m so sensitive. He knows why I’m cold to people. He knows so much about me. The things I wasn’t ready to tell him. But because he already knows, there’s only one thing left to worry about.

What am I going to do about that coffee date?!


	10. Chapter 10

I bit my lip as I left my last class. Today was the day. The day Jefferson and I would retry our first date at the coffee shop. I was insanely nervous. I still didn’t know if I could trust Jefferson. Of course, he was my soulmate. And yeah, talking to him my whole life, I’ve found that he’s really nice. But whenever I see him, I tense up. I go into panic mode. Because of what he did to me, I’m broken, and he now knows it. And another thing. I believe that he broke whatever trust I had in him when I found him with my journal. It was my personal business.

But, nonetheless, I wanted to get to know him. I want to forgive him so bad. And that’s why I offered to go to coffee. Because I want to fix my broken state. And I wanted a healthy and happy relationship with my soulmate. So, that’s why I was standing in front of my closet thinking of what to wear. I was leaning towards a sweatshirt and sweatpants, but decided against it. But then again, coffee wasn’t very formal. So, I went for a regular T-shirt and jeans.

As I tied on sneakers I heard, _**“Do you still want to see me today?”**_ In my mind. I was confused momentarily before thinking back, _**“Yes...of course. Why would I ditch you?”**_ I felt a surge of embarrassment and relief at the same time. _**“It’s just that because I did so much to you, I was scared you wouldn’t want me as your soulmate.”**_ I was tempted to laugh.

 _ **”Don’t worry Jefferson. I wouldn’t ever do that. I do want you. But I just need time to get used to it. Alright?”**_ I felt a warm sensation wash over me as I stood up from my bed and tied my hair up. _**“I’m heading to the cafe now.”**_ I felt anxiety from Jefferson as he said to me, _**“Alright. See you there darling.”**_ I arched an eyebrow and I suddenly felt an overwhelming wave of embarrassment as I questioned, _**“Darling?”**_

Jefferson quickly thought back, _**”Sorry, it’s a Southern thing.** ” _Iquestioned this, but didn’t push for anymore questions. _**”Oh, okay then. See you then.”**_ I quickly walked to the cafe. I found Jefferson quickly and sat down. “Hey...” I say slowly. “Hello...” Jefferson answered. “So—What are we Jefferson?” Jefferson shrugged. “First, let’s get on first name basis.” I bit my lip before saying, “Okay.” The waitress came over and got our orders before I said, “So what about school? Will we tell anyone?” Jeffer—Thomas thought before answering. “What if we don’t tell them. But we aren’t secretive about it either.” I nodded. “Sounds good.” When we got our coffees I said, “So, tell me a bit about yourself. I obviously know you have lots of siblings, and your family is loaded. Oh, and that your homophobic—isn’t this really ironic?”

I saw Thomas smile before he said, “Actually, I’m not homophobic. My family is though. It doesn’t make sense. What if your soulmate is the same sex as you? You can’t exactly change your soulmate, can you Alexander?” I shrug. “No, I guess you can’t. And that’s why it’s so unfair.” We each finished our coffees, and I ended up having a lot of fun. As we were walking back to the dorm together I said, “Hey Thomas?” He looked down at me and said, “Yeah, Alex?” I sighed before saying, “I’m starting to trust you more...but I’m not—ready for anything more than hugging...so I hope that’s okay, because I don’t feel comfortable-“

He cuts me off by saying, “That’s perfectly fine. We can go at whatever pace you want Alex.” I smile and say, “Thank you!” We approach the door as he says, “You’re welcome, Alexander.”


	11. Chapter 11

I went to bed after getting back from the cafe. It was pretty early, but I had to have time to process our entire conversation. I heard, **“Thomas? What’s up...?”** Surprised, I simply said, **“I’m fine Alex—just....thinking...”** After that, I went back to thinking before falling asleep. 

-/-/-/-

I woke up, and got ready. I groaned, remembering that we had debate today. Don’t get me wrong, I love debate. But then I might be forced to fight for something I don’t believe in against someone I don’t want to fight. Like fighting against LGBTQ+ rights with Alexander, my soulmate. But that’s what happened last time. I sighed as I got up and got dressed. I walked out to the kitchen and saw Alexander just about to walk out. “Hey Alex, can I walk with you?”

Alexander turned around to face me and said, “Sure Thomas. Let’s go.” We started walking down the hallways. I felt our hands brush, and remembering what Alex said about taking it slow, I tried to subtly pull my hand away before I felt Alex take my hand into his own casually. My face heat up really fast, and Alexander looked up at me alarmed and thought, **“Is this not okay? Did I do something wrong? Do you want me to stop?”** I stopped him **_“No, it’s fine. I was just surprised. I like it...”_**

I felt his hand relax in mine, and I squeezed it gently, smiling at him. “We better get to class.” Alexander returned my smile and we walked quickly out of the dorm building and to the classrooms. We rushed into debate together, and we got many ‘looks’ when people saw us holding hands, but no one said anything. We sat at desks next to each other and I watched Alexander pull out his papers before pulling out my own.

”Now, students. Today I will be teaching you some strategies about debate, and then we will do a run through, randomly picking partners.” The professor said calmly. “During these run throughs, I want you to be appropriate and not offensive.” He said this, looking in my and Alexander’s direction. We just nodded. 

After going through the lesson, Professor Washington reaches into a glass bowl and pulled out two papers. He groaned and read out, “Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson. Again. Please be civil this time.” I smirked and said, “Don’t worry sir.” Alex and I walked down to the podiums. “Sir, the prompt?” Alexander asked. “Ah yes. The prompt is if we should give free college education to those who need it. Hamilton on pro, and Jefferson on con. Begin”

I cleared my throat and said, “Sir. We can’t afford to give free education because there’s too many expenses that go into it.” I stepped back and looked at Alexander. I noticed him flush red as he stared at me for a bit before saying, “I-I believe we should give free education because there are many with potential out there th-that just can’t pay for it. We are missing out on valuable workers if we don’t give people the chance, sir.” I chuckled before stepping back up to the podium.

“But see darling—“ I waited to see the effect on Alexander’s face before continuing. “If we give them free education, what money will we have left for taxes, bills, and paying those ‘potential-filled’ people you speak of in the future?” I watched Alexander stumble over his words. “W-Well, Jefferson...U-Um...Well, Er—I didn’t really think of that-but it’ll be worth it in the end! Kn-Knowledge is better than money i-in the long run. And if they work hard enough it’ll all be worth it, right sir?” He said the last part to Professor Washington, who nodded thoughtfully. I rolled my eyes before starting again.

”Alexander, first of all. We went over this—first name basis! Anyways, where was I? Oh yes...Please tell me sweetie, how are we going to have enough money to fund for all these free applications?” I felt embarrassment flood me from Alexander. “W-Well, what if we—just pay for those who get a certain score on a test.” I snorted. “So they can cheat?” Alexander shrugged. “I guess—but we can have adults monitoring at all times.”

I heard Professor Washington sigh and he said, “Well, I’m afraid this is over...Mr. Jefferson you’ve won. And thank you for being civil boys—even if it was a little...interesting...” I saw Alexander’s face flush again as he walked back to his seat. I walk behind him and when we got back to our seats I winked at him teasingly, causing him to kick me under our desks. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self-harm, depression, panic attacks!

"Alexander, for the last time! You are sick! I am not letting you go to class!" Alex was fighting me, saying that he was fine, even though he had a 102 degree fever. "I'm fine Thomas." I rolled my eyes. "Do you want me to go get John to tell you to stay here?" He started pouting as I tucked him back into bed. "You are staying here, no changing my mind." Alexander huffed and finally gave in. "Fine." I could feel his annoyance. Ever since we've found out we were soulmates, our emotion senses have gotten stronger. So it was overwhelming. "Well, I promise I'll bring all of your work to you!" Alexander calmed down. "Fiine....I guess." He was interrupted by a round of coughing. I stood up and went out before bringing back fever pills and a glass of water. "Take these. I'll be back soon Alex." He smiled at me as I left. 

/-/

In history. That's when it happened. An unexpected _boom_ of thunder. Panic shot through me. Now, Alex's emotions were spiked. I felt his panic to an extreme. I felt myself fall from my chair as I heard Prof. Adams call, "Mr. Jefferson. Are you alright?" I felt wave after wave of panic wash through me as I tried to stand up, using the desk to help me. Tears started streaming down my face. I tried my best to stand back up. "Alexander....Alex--Sir, I need to go." Prof. Adams looked at me. "It's the middle of the lecture!" I glared at him. "And my soulmate is having a panic attack!" Another strike of lightning, and I fell down to the floor again. I forced myself to my feet and ran out of the classroom. _**"Alexander, I'm coming. Please, talk to me. Talk to me."**_ No matter how hard I tried, Alexander wouldn't stop. _**"Thomas...help me--It...hurts so bad."**_ My breathing hitched. I was approaching the dorm.

 _ **"What hurts, Alex?"**_ I turned the doorknob as I heard, _**"I...blacked out. Thomas. I didn't mean to--I...I relapsed."**_ I rushed into the room and into Alex's bedroom. "ALEX!" I heard a whimper coming from the bathroom. I ran to the door and I tried the door. Locked. "Alexander, let me in!" The crying stopped. "Thomas, please. I broke my promise. I told you I would stop and--" Another shock of lightning struck, and the boom of thunder cut Alexander off, pushing him back into his fit. "P-Please. Please. E-Edward...I'm sorry...I didn't mean it Mrs. Easton, I'm sorry! Why can't I just die?" I felt Alex's despair. I kicked the door as hard as I could. Finally I got through, splintering the door. Alexander was a crying mess. His arms were bleeding, and he had his knees pulled up to his chest as he rocked back and forth on the floor. "Alexander. Please...I'm right here." I stepped closer before remembering my sister's panic attacks.

"M-May I touch you?" Alex bit his lip and looked up at me before nodding. I kneeled next to him and stroked his head. He put his face in my chest and held on to me crying. "I-I'm sorry. I messed up. I messed up...I am so sorry I have to mess with your emotions like this." I stopped him by saying, "No, it's fine. I want you to let it out, and let me be here for you. It's what soulmates do." I hugged him close to me when I heard someone come through the door. "My god...what happened?!" I looked up to see Laurens standing there. "Is Alex okay?" I continued hugging the shorter man as Laurens kneeled down next to him. He noticed the smeared blood on Alex's arms. His eyes widened. "Alexander?" He asked. Alex's grip on my tightened. "John...maybe it's best if he got some rest." John stood up and nodded. "Y-Yeah. I guess so." He left and I got Alex on his feet. I helped him rinse off the cuts gently before wrapping them in bandages. "C'mon darling." I led him to his bed and helped him lay down.

"Thomas?" He looked up at me. "Yes, Alex?" He looked away as he held my hand. "Can you stay with me until I fall asleep?" I smiled and nodded. "Of course."


	13. Chapter 13

Finally, it was a day off. I woke up in my bed with Jefferson asleep in a chair next to me. I sat up confused. What had happened? “T-Thomas?” I asked quietly, trying to gently wake him up. I watched as he stirred. I gently tapped him shoulder. “Thomas? Wake up...” He opened his eyes and yawned. “Yeah, Alex?” 

“Why are you here? What happened?” Thomas’s eyebrows furrowed. “You don’t remember? You had some sort of panic attack. Do you remember anything?” I thought for a bit before saying, “Oh my god. N-No!” Thomas looked at me alarmed. “What’s wrong Alexander?!” I pulled down my sleeves to see my arms bandaged up. “I-I relapsed. After all that work...I relapsed...” Thomas nodded before hugging me. “Listen, what if we go out today? We can go see a movie?” I smiled weakly. “I-I guess that would be okay. Thank you for helping me by the way. Where was John?” 

“He came after I broke down the door to the bathroom and found you crying on the floor. I think he hesitated to help after he saw me with you though. It was—odd. But, he did ask if he could do something, then I asked if you should get some sleep, and he agreed.” I nodded at that. “Okay...but why are you here with me?” Thomas smiled. “Don’t you remember? You asked me to stay with you until you fell asleep. I guess I fell asleep too...” I laughed. “Oh, okay...so what movie are you thinking of?” I watched Thomas shrug. “Have you seen Mary Poppins?” I nodded. I’ve watched it with the Washingtons. “Yeah, I have.” Thomas smiled. “Great!! We can watch the sequel, Mary Poppins Returns! It has this terrific actor in it!” I smiled back at him. “Fantastic, let’s go!”

I quickly got out of bed while Thomas got out of my room. I threw on a plain gray shirt with a dark green ‘Coffee is Life’ sweatshirt. I put on regular jeans and put my hair up. I slipped on flip flops and went out to the kitchen. John was making breakfast for himself while Thomas was at the table eating. I went to John and hugged him. “Hey Jackie! Good morning.” He smiled and said, “Morning Lexi.” I felt jealousy spike in me. I smirked and looked over at Thomas. _**”Aw, no need to be jealous sweetheart. He’s just a friend. And besides, he’s found his soulmate and they’re dating.”**_ Thomas blushed and looked down at his food. 

_**”I’m not jealous!”**_ I raised an eyebrow. **_“Hon, I can feel your emotions.”_** Thomas gave me a questioning look. **_”What’s with all the pet names? First sweetheart now hon?”_** I bit my lip and stuck my tongue out at him, which he returned. “You both are children.” Oh right, John was in the room. And I was still hugging him. I detached myself from his body and got myself a mug. I put it in the coffee machine and got a large caffeinated coffee. “Darling, that’s going to kill you one day.” Thomas said, staring at the drink in my hands. “It hasn’t yet!” I said as I sipped it. “Aw, you guys are kind of cute together. I had my doubts but damn Jefferson. I’ve really misjudged you!” I saw Thomas shoot John a look. “Laurens only thinks we’re ‘kind of’ cute together? Bro, we’re soulmates. We’re meant to be together!” 

I went over to Thomas and put my coffee cup down before hugging him from behind. “And don’t be teasing him, Jackie. That’s my job.” I said as the other two men laughed. “Are we going soon?” Thomas looked at me, confused. “Sweetie, where are your glasses?” I bit my lip before picking up my coffee cup. After taking a sip I said, “Do I really need to tell you?” I felt guilt rush through me. “It’s okay. I’ve forgiven you...but do you really want me to have them on?” Thomas looked at me like I was insane. “Yes! Go get your glasses.” I sighed and went to go get them. I slipped them onto my face before going back out to the kitchen. “Hey, John went out to go to his girlfriend’s dorm.” I nodded and said, “We going?” Thomas said, “The movie isn’t for like 2 hours Alex!” I shrugged and grabbed my coffee again. “So? We can go on a walk until we need to go. Pleease?” Thomas sighed. “Fine.”

I watched Thomas stand up and grab his wallet. I grabbed my own before we walked out the door to our dorm. This time, when we walked out, neither of us hesitated to start holding hands.


	14. Chapter 14

Thomas and I walked around the local park for about an hour. It was really fun, and I really enjoyed spending time with him. _**“This is really nice, you know...we should do this more often!”**_ I thought. I saw Thomas smile. _**“Yeah we should.”**_ We continued walking around for another half hour before walking to the movie theater. We went to the concessions stand, and I pulled out my wallet before Thomas stopped me. “It’s on me.” I smiled and put my wallet away. “Thanks...”

After getting food for the movie, we walked to the designated theater.

/-/ 

After the movie, we walked out of the theater holding hands and talking about how good the movie was. “The actor who plays Jack was really good!” I said. “Yeah. He was!” Thomas agreed. “I can’t believe you almost made both of us cry.” He said to me. “I’m sorry! I can be very emotional and there were some super sad parts in it.” I said defensively. “I’m only messing with you darling.” I shoved him playfully as we continued walking.

”Let’s go back to the dorm.” 

/-/

Thomas and I sat on the couch together and just cuddled. It was really comfy and I didn’t want to move. I yawned and he was about to move so I could get up, but I didn’t budge. He just sighed in defeat as I fell asleep on top of him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason while writing about yawning/sleeping I was yawning....
> 
> Stay healthy and wash your hands guys! 🥰

I sighed as I watched Alex fall asleep on top of me before yawning and closing my eyes, listening to Alex’s breathing.

{•}

I slowly woke up from the sound of the dorm door closing. I opened my eyes, and looked over to see John walking in the room. Alex was still sleeping on my lap so I just gave John a smile and carefully waved. John wiggled his eyebrows at me, smirking while looking between Alex and I.

”Oh shush Laurens.” I say quietly as he laughed and went to go to his room. I stroked Alex’s hair, quietly humming as I watched him sleep. Alex looked peaceful while he was sleeping. I smiled down at him. Soon, I noticed him starting to wake up. “Thomas?” He said cautiously as he sat up, obviously tired. “Yes, darling?” I say back, as he sat next to me.

”What time is it?” He asked, looking up at me. “It’s 10 in the morning, Sunday.” He suddenly stood up and stretched before saying, “I gotta get ready to go to my parents house. I go visit every Sunday.” I smiled. “I don’t think I’ve ever met your parents.” Alex looked like he was trying not to laugh. “Oh you’ve definitely met my dad.” I raised an eyebrow. 

“I don’t recall...” Alex laughed. It was bright and clear. “You know Professor Washington?” I nodded. “Is he like your father’s brother?” Alex burst out laughing again and facepalmed. “No you idiot. You really are oblivious. He is my dad.” I felt stupid. “Oh that makes more sense. He always favors you in class.” Alex laughed and scoffed. “He does not favor me in class!” He said defensively. “Does too.”

Alex started to walk to his bedroom. “Does not! I’m going to get dressed.”


	16. Prayer Chain! <3 stay safe guys

Hey! Tonight I was asked to be a part of 1 million+ prayer chain to pray for the slowing of the Coronavirus. The idea is you pray when you receive this text and then send it to 8 other people. if you can't, let me know so we don't break the chain. 😘


	17. Chapter 17

Alexander ended up dragging me to his parents house. Damnit. I was really nervous. Like, how would Professor Washington react? Alex assures me it will be fine, but that doesn’t calm me down at all. Sure, I trust him...but...I’m meeting his damn parents. And I don’t think I made a fantastic impression on Washington, screaming and fighting with his son. But I have to stop all this thinking because I can tell Alexander can feel all my anxieties.

“It’s fine, Thomas. I told them I’m bringing my soulmate. They’re so excited to meet you.” Alex tired to tell me. We were approaching his house. 

_**“I think your dad hates me. I literally screamed at you the first time we debated...”**_ I thought as Alex rang the doorbell. _**“I wasn’t much better. Just chill out. They’ll love you.”**_ A woman opened the door. I assumed it was Alex’s mother.

”Hey mom!” Alex chirped as he squeezed my hand. The woman smiled and opened the door wider so we could all step inside. “So...this must be your soulmate, huh Alexander?” She asked, looking at me. I bit my lip and I could tell Alex was feeling my anxieties. “Yeah—er...this is Thomas.” I stuck out the hand Alex wasn’t holding. “Hello. Thomas Jefferson. Nice to meet you Mrs—er...” I flushed as she shook my hand laughing. “Just call me Martha dear. Come sit at the table food is almost ready.” 

_**“See? Told you she’d love you!”**_ Alex told me. He hugged my arm and I followed his lead as we walked to the dining room. Alex let go of me and sat down before gesturing at the seat next to him. “I hope I’m not intruding on anything Mrs—Er...Martha.” I said nervously. The woman came out with some plates. “No worries, dear. The more the merrier. And you’re Alex’s soulmate. We would never miss a chance to meet you.” She smiled warmly at me as she placed plates down on the table. Then she disappeared back into the kitchen to get the food. 

_**“Relax Thomas. You’re stressing me out too. I swear I will kill you if you don’t calm your shit.”**_ I laughed and thought, _**“Have you seen our height difference?”**_ I felt annoyance from Alexander. He stomped on my foot under the table as I snickered at him. I then heard a, “Martha, is Alexander here yet?” From out of the room. It was the professor. Martha came out and put the food on the table with some glasses and juice. “Yes dear! And remember, we have a guest! Our boy found his soulmate!” 

Soon Professor Washington walked into the room. I blushed red and I could feel Alex grabbing my hand under the table as the teacher looked at me with a shocked look on his face. “Well...that was my last guess on who it could be, but congratulations Alexander. Seems like a fine man. Attractive too.” I felt Alexander’s rush of sudden embarrassment as he stuttered, “D-Dad!” Washington laughed aloud as he sat down across from Alexander. “I’m only joking son.” Alex flinched, and I felt uncomfortable anxiety come from him. 

_**“You alright darling?”**_ I asked looking at him. _**“Yeah...maybe I’ll tell you later.”**_ I nodded and Washington looked between Alex and I as Martha came and sat down. “Now that we’re all here...Alexander, could you say grace?” Alexander nodded, and Washington reached over the table and grabbed his hand and Martha’s. I caught on and instinctively reached over to grab Martha’s hand on the table that was close to me. It was warm, and she didn’t flinch. She just smiled at me, so I think I did the right thing.

”Dear God. Thank you so much for this blessing of good food to eat. Thank you so much for my education, and that I got to find my perfect match. Please keep us all healthy and safe. We praise you and in your son’s name we say—“ Martha and Washington said the end with Alexander. “Amen.” I said it quietly. My family prayed, but rarely together. The family started to take food. I hesitated. “Don’t worry dear. Take whatever looks good. There’s enough.” I timidly grabbed some pancakes and bacon before taking a little eggs. “Thank you for letting me come sir...” I said nervously. 

“Of course son. By the way, call me George. No need to be so formal.” The professor said. “Alright.” The four of us ate, and we talked about school or jobs until George said, “So...how’d you guys figure out you were soulmates?” 

“Oh well...I one day told my soulmate that I wanted to meet up. We both knew we went to the same college. We were meeting at a coffee shop. At first we thought it was a mistake. Then he told me with his thoughts that some ‘obnoxious nerd’ was sitting at the booth we agreed on. I started laughing and walked out after telling him we were soulmates.” I flushed in embarrassment. “Yeah...sorry about that by the way.”

Alex shrugged. “Whatever. I first meeting wasn’t in the best setting.” He said. Everyone finished up their food and Alex and I stood up. “Well thank you for coming over son. See you in class tomorrow?” Alex nodded. “Of course. I’ll come next week too. That alright?” He asked. Martha started clearing the table as she said, “Of course. And Thomas, if you would like, you can come over too.” I made eye contact with Alex. He nodded at me so I said, “Sure that’d be great!”

I helped Martha clear the table despite her telling me not to. After the dishes were done, I found Alex talking to George. “Hey Alex, we going?” Alex turned around and went to hug me. “Yeah let’s go ‘darlin’.” He said mockingly using a Southern accent.

“I don’t sound like that.” I grumbled. “Yeah you do. Suck it up. Come on let’s go. Bye mom! Bye dad!” He yelled the last part to his parents. “Bye son!” I heard George say as we walked out the door. 

“Told ya so~! They do like you!” Alex said. 


	18. Chapter 18

I woke up on the couch surrounded by warmth. I curled up closer the source of the heat. That’s when I heard someone breathing. Thomas tried to move away from me, but I groaned. “Nooo....It’s warm.” Thomas chuckled at me and then just sighed, staying where he was. “Good boy.” I said smirking. I tilted my head to look up at him and I said, “So is me waking up on you going to turn into a normal thing?” Thomas smirked and grabbed me, pulling my chest to his.

”I don’t know, is it?” Our noses were touching, so I quickly kissed him. That surprised him enough to let me go. I sat up and walked to my room, leaving him speechless on the couch. I was smirking the entire time I got dressed. Thomas wasn’t expecting me to be open to kissing that fast, I guess. I walked back out to the living room and saw that Thomas was now dressed and sitting on the couch, thinking.

I sat next to him and said, “What are you thinking about?” Thomas turned to me. “You-You said you weren’t ready and then you just kissed me...and—can I kiss you again?” I laughed at his stutter and nodded. “Of course.” We closed the gap between our lips and we had our second kiss. It was awkward to kiss sitting side by side, so I ended up just sitting on Thomas’s lap. 

As we were kissing, we heard the dorm door open. They heard a voice say, “Oh-uhm...er—uh...S-Sorry. I’m so sorry.” We both jumped away from each other and looked at the door. Peggy was standing there, clutching her books and flushing violently. “Oh my god Peggy I’m so sorry. Uhm. John’s not—“ Peggy shook her head. “No I wanted to see you Alex.” 

“Oh? Really? Okay, one second.” It was probably amusing to watch me try to get off of my boyfriend’s lap without it looking or feeling awkward. “Come sit down.” Peggy came and sat next to me on the couch. She sighed and said, “I don’t know if John loves me or not...” I was surprised by this. “What makes you say that?” Peggy shrugged.

”He just doesn’t seem interested in me.” Peggy’s eyes started to tear up and she started to sniffle. “Peggy, don’t cry. John loves you. You guys are soulmates. You don’t even know how much he loves you. Whenever he talks about you, his eyes shine and light up.” Peggy gave a small smile. “Really?” I nodded and gave the girl a hug. “Why would you think he wasn’t interested in you?” Peggy shrugged. “H-He’s been cancelling our dates. He’s also been really distant.” Peggy and I kept hugging as I rocked her and said, “Just talk to him about it. It may be a misunderstanding. You can always talk to me okay? Just text me in advance so you don’t walk in on something you don’t want to see.” That made Peggy giggle as we pulled away.

”Thanks ‘Lex.” I smiled at her. “Anytime.” Peggy sighed as she stood up. “I better go find John and talk to him. Have fun continuing whatever you were doing before. Make sure to use protection.” Thomas aborted as she walked out the door as I blushed bright red. “Peggy!” I called after her. 

“Well that was interesting.” Thomas said, trying to pull me back to him. I pulled myself away and said, “I got to get to class, idiot.” Thomas pouted. “But I’m a hot idiot.” I sighed and then said,

“I’ll give you that one.”


	19. Chapter 19

The next time I woke up, I woke up in my bed. (Damn it) I got out of bed, yawned and stretched, and then opened my laptop on my desk to start working on a project. That’s when I heard the door open and someone walked in. I heard Thomas’s voice as arms wrapped around my neck in a loving manner. “Take a break. It’s so early in the morning. Come eat breakfast. Or go back to sleep. It’s too early to be working darling.” 

I just sighed and closed my laptop after saving my document. I couldn’t ever say no to Thomas. “Fine. I’m coming.” I pushed my laptop to the back of my desk and stood up before turning around to face Thomas. “I know your tired. You know you can’t hide your feelings or emotions from me, right?” Thomas asked as he lifted my chin with his finger. “I know. I’m reminded of it every single day I feel your emotions. Let’s go get breakfast.” I said, before attempting to get past Thomas. “Nuh-uh. Can I get another kiss first?”

I smiled at how childish he was being before going on my tiptoes to give him a kiss on the lips. “There, now give me food.” Thomas laughed before stepping aside and taking my hand into his own. “Alright. Let’s go darling.”


	20. Chapter 20

Alex was radiating happiness as we walked hand in hand towards the nearby cafe. _**“What’s got you so happy?”**_ I thought to him. Alex smiles before I heard, **“Do I need to have a reason? I just enjoy your company.”** I smiled at that. I was so grateful that Alex was giving me another chance. I shook my head. **“No reason.”** I thought. We kept walking until we got to a cafe that served breakfast.

”What are you going to get?” I asked casually. “I dunno. Something simple. Coffee and pancakes?” Alex replies, flipping through a menu. I look through the menu and decide of what I’m going to order before the waitress walks over. 

“Hello! I’m Sally and I’ll be taking care of you this morning. What would you like?” Alex ordered first. “I’ll have pancakes and coffee as black as my soul.” I smirked at that. “Well in that case, I’ll get a white mocha with white whipped cream and a sugar. Oh, but for him give him black. Also an omelette.

Alex just snorted as he rolled his eyes. Sally smiled before jotting down the food order. “I’ll get that for you soon. I’ll get these out of your way.” The waitress took the menus from the table and took them to the back room.

* * *

Alex and I started eating when a boy walked next to our table and muttered something under his breath that I barely caught. I heard him say, “Bastard.” In Alex’s direction. I glared at the boy and made a soft growling sound. When he made eye contact with me, he walked faster. 

**_“You scared the poor boy, Thomas!”_** I heard in my head. Alex was watching me with a smirk and playful look in his eyes. **_“He deserved it. Why do you let people treat you like that?!”_** Alex shrugged and took a bit of his pancake stack. **_“I’m used to it, I guess...”_** I sighed and took a sip of coffee. **_“You shouldn’t let people treat you like that. What happened to screaming at everyone during debate?”_** Alex raised an eyebrow.

”This is different, I guess.” Alex said out loud. “Please just drop it. For me?” I sighed again before nodding. “Of course, Alexander.”


	21. Chapter 21

After all of our classes I walked to Alex’s last class and waited for him to walk out. Soon he came through the door and I offered my arm like some 18th century gentlemen. Alex let out a small giggle before taking my arm. “Why thank you Mr. Jefferson for escorting me safely to where we reside.”

Alex clutched my arm as we walked through the halls happily talking about everything and nothing. We got a few stares from people who hadn’t heard that we started dating, but other than that, nothing was out of the ordinary. **_“Hey Thomas?”_** Alex asked me silently.

 ** _”What is it darlin’?”_** I asked, smiling down at him. I could feel him start to get a little embarrassed. **_“What is it, Alex? Something wrong?”_ **I asked, slightly worried. **_“Can you hug me closer when we walk? I feel safer that way...”_** I smiled at his embarrassment from his request before taking my arm from his, and feeling his regret, I put my arm behind his back before using my other arm to quickly pick up his feet so I was holding him bridal style.

Alex squeaked in surprise as people around us turned to look, most of them smiling while one person gave out a whoop for us. Alex was flushing red. **_“This close enough for you?”_** I asked with my eyebrow raised. Alex shifted like he was snuggling into me before he nodded. **_“Mhm...”_** I smiled down at him before I continued walking to our dorm with him in my arms.

When I finally reached our dorm, I gently put Alex on the ground before I got my key out of my pocket and unlocked the door. “Are you tired, Alex?” I asked as Alex yawned. He just shrugged. “I don’t think so. I need to work...” He could tell I wasn’t happy about that. “You need sleep darlin’.” Alex started pouting before he sighed and said, “Fine. Can you sleep with me?”

My brow went up. “In what way? Because I’m fine with both.” Alex face immediately heat up and he opened his mouth before closing it. “Forget it.” He said before going to his bedroom. “Wait! Wait! I was kidding. Sure, I’d love to.” I called after him as I followed him. I could see Alex rolling his eyes before he got into his bed. I just went under the covers behind him, and hugged his waist before pulling him close to me.

Alex made a satisfied noise and I could feel how safe he felt. I felt so happy that I had fixed what I did in high school. Instead of being scared of me, he let me sleep in his bed and let me hold him and he felt safe with me. And I wouldn’t do anything to mess that up.

* * *

I woke up to find that Alex turned around in his sleep and cuddled himself into my chest. I smiled at his sleeping form before I looked over at a nearby clock. It was dinner time in about 3 hours, so I decided to surprise Alex. I gently got myself out from under Alex and then slid out of the bed before grabbing my phone to make reservations for in a few hours.

After everything was set up, and I was dressed, I went to go gently wake up Alex. The small man whined as he opened his eyes before he eloquently groaned, “What the fuck do you want Jefferson?” I just rolled my eyes and chuckled before I said, “Come on, I’m taking you to dinner. Get ready.” 

Alex whined and groaned before he decided to just get up and get dressed. “Good job Alex. Time to go.” I grabbed my keys, wallet, and phone before stopping Alex from grabbing his wallet. “It’s on me. And I’m driving so you don’t need a license.” Alex looked nervous about letting me pay for his food and I could feel his anxiousness. “Don’t worry about it Alex. Let’s just go and have a good time.”

Alex nodded before he went to grab my hand. I held it tightly as we walked out of the dorm together.


	22. Chapter 22

Thomas and I sat down at a table inside once we reached the restaurant. We started an idle conversation as we looked over the menus we were given.

”So how were your classes today?” I asked Thomas. He just shrugged before he answered with, “Nothing very interesting. I mean...Lee was taking shit in politics but that’s just how he is.” I raised an eyebrow. “What’d he say? And what’d you say back?”

Thomas smirked at me and then said, “He was whispering insults towards me and didn’t get any reactions from me and,” My face turned red in anger. How dare Lee! That was until Thomas finished. “But then he started whispering shit about you. And I couldn’t stand that so I stood up in the middle of class and decked him in the face.”

I snorted and some people gave us amused glances before going back to their meals. “Really? You did that for me? How sweet. I thought I felt a little annoyance and a twinge of anger from you. I assumed it was just classes.” I looked through the menu again before deciding on a meal and then setting it down.

”Anything for you, darlin’.” Thomas said absentmindedly before picking his food and putting his menu on top of mine. Soon the waitress came around and picked them up. 

* * *

As we ate, I looked up to see two people walking in, and I kicked Thomas under the table to look at the door. 

It was Charles Lee and his girlfriend Isabella Bunbury. Lee had an obviously bruised jaw, and I smirked at it, knowing exactly how he got it, and who he got it from.

Thomas and I tried to continue our meal in peace before the couple walked by our table. Lee noticed us and then said something that made me flush in embarrassment.

”How did you get to someone so out of your league as your soulmate?” Lee asked in my direction. I opened my mouth before closing it. And then Thomas saved the day by saying, “I honestly have no idea. I’m so lucky. Don’t you agree, Charles?” Lee’s girlfriend looked between the three men before tugging at her boyfriend to go sit down. “Let’s go babe. Stop bothering them.”

Lee just glared and went to sit down. I sat there, biting my lip. Thomas looked at me, concerned. **_“Are you okay?”_** He asked me silently. I shrugged before answering, **_“He’s right...”_**

Thomas looked confused as he took another bite. **_“Confused about what, Alexander?”_** I sighed before I leaned back in my seat, setting my fork down. I lost my appetite that wasn’t that big to start with. **“ _How did I get you as my soulmate? You’re more attractive, more athletic, kinder, richer, and...I don’t know...”_**

Thomas looked down sadly at his plate at those words and I immediately felt his guilt. Then he tried to smile at me. **_“Alex...everything I told you in high school aren’t true. You're smarter than me, you’re small and adorable, the perfect size for cuddling, even though you can be snappy, you can be caring. You’re sarcastic, you're outgoing, and you’re my soulmate whether you like it or not.”_**

I chuckled at that. “Of course...let’s-let’s just finish and then go home. Maybe we can watch a movie at the dorm or something. I think Johns on a date with Peggy tonight.” Thomas nodded before putting another bite in his mouth. I tried to just force more food down and held it in before I watched Thomas pay the bill and we walked out to his car. After we both buckled up, we drove back to the dorms.

* * *

It turns out that John was, in fact on a date with Peggy, and so Thomas and I ended up wrapped in blankets on the couch together. Thomas clicked through movies before we picked one out together. He hit play and then cuddled me closer to him. 

I giggled at this, before just snuggling into him. As the beginning of the movie started, Thomas kissed my head and said, “See what I mean? Perfect size for cuddling.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N Sorry for such a short chapter!! I felt weird continuing in this one. It wouldn’t flow well-

Thomas and I walked hand in hand, down the halls of the college when I spotted a poster for something. I tugged Thomas’s sleeve and suggested, **_“Come on, Let’s go see what it is!”_** Thomas squeezes my hand and nods. We walked up to the poster together. It was an audition sign-up sheet for a fundraising after school musical. It was Heathers.

I nudged Thomas **_“Wouldn’t it be funny if I played Veronica and you played JD??”_** Thomas gave me a confused look. “What?” He asked at last. Alex rolled his eyes and grabbed the pen before scribbling his name on the line. Then he wrote out ‘ _Veronica Sawyer_ ’ next to it.

Alex set the pen down. “We can watch a bootleg tonight so then you can audition for JD!” Thomas just shrugged and smiled before letting me drag him off to debate.

* * *

We ended up snuggling under blankets on the couch as we watched the musical on the small dorm television. There were funny parts, but also shocking parts.

After the last song ended, Thomas turned to me and asked, “So you want me to play a psychopath murderer that has sex with the character you want to audition for?” I just nodded, laughing. “Pretty much.”

Thomas smirked and said, “Why didn’t you tell me this before? I would’ve signed up immediately!”

* * *

So Thomas and I walked back to the poster and he signed up for auditioning as JD. I scanned the other names and saw that I was the only male auditioning for Veronica. Maria Lewis, Sally Hemmings, and Zöe Jackson signed up for that role too. 

I looked at who’s going for JD and almost laughed out loud when I saw Aaron Burr’s name scribbled down. I also saw James Reynolds, Ben Franklin, and then of course Thomas.

Then we just walked back to the dorm to go to sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

At first, I meant it as a joke when I signed up to audition for JD, but it made Alex happy, so I was excited to do it. Alex has a surprisingly wide vocal range, and he had amazing tone too. He didn’t take any compliments though. He would just blush and look away, saying that his voice was just average.

I just rolled my eyes and continued to work on my own audition song. I took a deep breath as I stood in my bedroom and started to sing. It was “I Once Knew” by The Edges. I had looked up songs to audition with and someone recommended this on Reddit.

As I finished the song I heard someone in the doorway clapping. I spun around to see that John was standing there, clapping for me. I flushed as he said, “You’re a pretty good singer, Jefferson.” I nervously laughed before saying, “Thanks Laurens.”

**_“Hey, whats got you so embarrassed and anxious..? Worried about auditions?”_** I heard. I smiled slightly at that before thinking back, **_“Only a little, Alex. I was practicing for the auditions and then Laurens walked in on me and said my voice was good...”_** I could just feel that Alex was smirking to himself.

**_”I bet you’re an amazing singer. I’m going to probably just sing Dead Mom just to show that I can belt.”_ **

I chuckled at that before remembering that John was still standing there, leaning against the doorframe. He smiled and then asked, “I heard Alex was auditioning for Veronica. And you’re going for JD?” I just nodded. 

“That’s correct...” I said slowly, fiddling with my sleeves. It was awkward because John was trying to be polite by starting a conversation, but we didn’t talk all that much so we weren’t that comfortable with each other.

“Well I believe you’ll have a good shot at getting the part, Jefferson. And I’ve heard Alex sing before, and he can hit those high notes and belt like crazy. It’s insane that he doesn’t want to has anything to do with singing in the future.” I raised an eyebrow at that. “Is that so? I’ve never really heard him sing.”

John chuckled before standing up straight. “Well, you will soon. I’ve got to go. I promised Peggy we could go out tonight. Keep practicing. You’re doing great...” 

I smiled at him as he turned around. I thought I imagined it but it looked like right when he turned, his smile immediately evaporated into a cold expression.

Odd.


	25. Chapter 25

~New POV~ Guess who?

**_“Babe aren’t we going out tonight?”_ **

**_“Why aren’t you answering me?”_ **

**_“A-Are you ignoring me?”_ **

**_“Did I do something?”_ **

**_“Do you even love me anymore?”_ **

**_“Answer me!”_ **

I tried to shut her words from my mind so I could think clearly. Of course I loved her. She’s my soulmate. But...I had a different problem to work with and fix.

I was happy for my friend. Don’t get me wrong. We’ve known each other for years! But it’s just that I’m scared I’ll get replaced by his dumb soulmate who’ll probably break his heart anyway.

But hen there’s my soulmate. She’s a sweetheart, honestly. But it’s just that I don’t have time for her. She can get overbearing and slightly annoying.

I guess another reason I don’t really like his soulmate is because I’ve never really gotten over him from high school, before I found out he wasn’t my soulmate. But when we found out we weren’t soulmates, we dated for another week but then he broke it off. Said it wasn’t right.

Of course I’d never tell him I still have feelings for him because they all think I only love my soulmate. I love her and care for her but she’s not the only one I love if you get what I mean...

All I can do for her is try my best to spend time with her.

I feel bad about it but I usually only hang out with her to get my mind off _him_.


	26. Chapter 26

Alex and I walked hand in hand to the auditorium for auditions. We had both been practicing a lot and we both thought we sounded good. Alex and I waited in line together and I could feel his anxiety. **_“You’ll do great, darling.”_** I encouraged him.

He gave a small smile and his anxiety lessened slightly. Alex hummed and then we continued waiting. Soon after the chairs started emptying, Alex was finally called into the room. **_“You got this.”_** I thought one more time before he slipped into the room. 

* * *

Alex finally came out and I could feel his nerves, though he was slightly calmed down. **_“How’d you do?”_** I asked, smiling at him. Alex responded with, **_“I think I did good. They seemed surprised.”_** I heard my name get called so I stood up and Alex came to hug me. “Good luck.” He mumbled into my chest. 

I smiled down at him and pulled away before kissing him on the head. “Thanks darling. I better get in there.”

* * *

After I finished with my audition, I walked out of the room to find Alex still waiting for me. He walked up to me and put his arms around me. “How’d it go?” He asked.

”It was fine, love. Let’s get back to the dorm. Isn’t John out with Peggy?” I asked as Alex looked up at me. I put an arm around his waist, and I pulled him close to me as we walked together. “Yeah. He’s out.”

I hummed and continued walking with my arm around him. 

* * *

We finally reached the dorm and found that John was, indeed out with Peggy. Alex gave out an audible sigh and I could feel how exhausted he was. 

“Want to watch something? I can make some food.” I offered as I let go of him. Alex mumbled something and walked over to the couch before plopping down and grabbing a blanket near him. He spread it onto himself and looked at me expectingly. “I thought you were making food.” Alex said, sounding bored.

”I am....” I said, as I took off my shoes. “Well then stop staring at my beautiful self and get your ass in the kitchen. This gremlin is hungry and you better feed it before midnight or I will chop off your dick, deep fry it, and send it back to Virginia.” Alex started glaring at me with a slightly pouted lip.

I just chuckled and rolled my eyes before I walked into the kitchen. **_“What do you want to eat?”_** I thought. I could feel Alex being indecisive. ** _“Meh. Whatever you want.”_** Alright then....I guess I’ll just cook-

* * *

“Macaroni and cheese?” Alex asked me as he looked at the bowl I handed him. “Shut up and eat. You weren’t being specific and you said I could make what I wanted and this was what’s I desired. So eat your damn food and be grateful.” I said before taking a bite. I pulled the blanket slightly up so I could get under it and cuddle up next to Alex.

”What should we watch?” I asked, kind of getting tired. Alex kind of shrugged. “Let’s watch...um-Maybe...I heard there’s this one musical on Disney+! Could we watch that?” He sounded really excited. I didn’t have to be his soulmate to know how much he wanted to watch it.

I couldn’t take that joy from him. “Of course darling.”


	27. Chapter 27

Thomas and I walked quickly together to look at the cast. We pushed our way though the slight crowd and I heard a girl scream out of frustration. I went in front of her and recognized her as someone who auditioned for Veronica. 

I look at the cast list and at the top in bold, it read,

**Veronica Sawyer - Alexander Hamilton**

**Understudy - Maria Lewis**

I started jumping up and down excitedly, screaming mentally to Thomas, **_“I GOT THE PART! I’M PLAYING VERONICA!”_** I felt a rush of excitement from myself but there was an undertone of disappointment. Then there was a small hopeful feeling from Thomas.

Alex looked and searched for Thomas’s name next to JD’s but found that it said,

**JD - Aaron Burr**

**Understudy - Thomas Jefferson**

I felt sorry for Thomas and I squeezed his hand. **_“At least you’re the understudy, right?”_** I saw Thomas shrug. “I guess...” he said out loud to me. **_“Let’s just hope Burr literally breaks a leg.”_**

I laughed at that and that lightened the mood a bit. _**“Can we go back to our dorm and cuddle now? I’m cold, you’re warm, and I say it’s time to cuddle.”**_ I tell him, no room for objections as I drag him away. Soon Thomas walks on his own and holds my waist, pulling me closer to him.

”Anything you want, darling.” Thomas whispered to me. I just hummed and we walked the rest of the way to the dorm.


End file.
